By Kerri Trapasso
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August 17, 2021
Have you ever started something thinking it would go one way, but it ends up going a completely different direction? Well, that is about how this entry has gone. When I first started writing this, I wanted to share my three different pregnancy experiences along with what I learned with each one. It has now turned into an open letter to my readers about motherhood, grace, and a learning curve. This post is a two part entry because it is a little longer due to having such a long gap in posting. Life looks much different with three versus two. I had to learn to adjust my daily expectations for myself. I started writing this when I first found out I was pregnant with my third child in October 2020. If you check the date, it is far from then. It is not because I just had so many other great entries that I shared; I do have about ten different ideas started. It is not that I ran out of things to write about or that I was just being lazy. The simple answer, which I struggled for months with, was I needed to take time to care for myself, my unborn child, and my two very active toddlers. My family needed me and my body was demanding more from me. Keeping up with a one- and three-year-old is not easy while growing another human, let me just start there. I was about five months into my pregnancy before coming to terms with the fact that I cannot do it all every day. I had to learn to give myself grace. Grace, to navigate the fatigue and sickness that always come with my pregnancies all while caring for our other two children and working from home, when I was able to work. It was grace that helped me not feel like I was letting everyone down or failing at…well everything. I couldn’t help but still feel that way from time to time. I am so fortunate to be in a business that allows for life, working from home, and taking that time off without penalty or having to start over. Every stay-at-home-mom’s dream really. I am hoping you will also show me some grace as I get back into writing and posting regularly. So many new and transitioning things over the past two years but also so much growth with more to come. I hope you will join me in that journey. We all need to be able to show ourselves and others a little more grace from time to time. I hope everyone can find something here to relate to or maybe just another point of view to think about. No pregnancy is exactly like another, but there are always things that can help even if its just something small. Sometimes though it is really hard to muster up the energy to even do the little things. There is a fun side story: I was getting my nails and brows done a few weeks ago with my then six-week-old in tow. I left my older two with my mom so I could try to relax but of course he had other plans. Needless to say, my appointment went a little long so the next client came in. Nice girl, super chatty so we got along great. Since we were both in this small room and my nail girl knowing both of our stories, the three of us started talking about kids and family, of course. She does not have kids, but her sister is pregnant yet again (fourth or fifth I believe) and struggling with the responsibility part from what I gathered. She very frankly said “I don’t want kids. I like my life the way it is and know I am too selfish to have them.” She went on to say she loves her nieces, of course. As someone with kids you could easily be offended by that statement, but you shouldn’t be. I commend her for knowing what she wants. I know how hard parenthood can be. You change your whole life to give your children the best one possible. It is when you are not willing to make those sacrifices that everyone suffers. Listen, if you relate to her but maybe you feel bad for not wanting kids or think that you should just because everyone is telling you that. I’m here to tell you that it is one-hundred percent ok to not want kids so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; and if you ever change your mind, that’s ok too. My story will not be the one to persuade you to wanting children but maybe give you a glimpse into what some friends or family members with kids have experienced. When you have kids it can take up a lot of your conversations, even if you don’t want it to. Part 2: My Pregnancies When it comes to having kids, the whole thing is a little crazy and to be honest, hard for me to wrap my head around. I know, I’ve done it three times and it is still the weirdest thing I’ve ever put myself through. Weird is definitely the word to describe it. Of course, it’s also beautiful and the modern-day miracle blah, blah, blah. Don’t get me wrong, I believe those things as well, but it was just mostly weird. I absolutely love my children and despite the no drinking, always tired, changing body, forgetful pregnancy brain, and my sickness for about half of it I loved being pregnant. As a planner this was hard, you never really knew what was going to happen or when. Each one for me had similarities but all a little different. The first was a total trial and error, learn as you go, I’ll try anything once to see what works, I have no clue what’s going on, what’s normal, or what I’m doing kind of experience. With the next two I knew more going into it and learned even more by the end of it. I learned the most with my second. That third trimester changed everything for me. The third was taking all that I learned with the first two and seeing how much of a difference it would make. Everyone’s journey is a little different and even though I had some struggles during each pregnancy, we were and have been extremely blessed. So many have had much bigger struggles in their journey, which is not to be taken lightly and needs a whole other level of grace and sensitivity. That is so emotionally hard and draining. To be honest if you haven’t been there, it’s hard to understand. I will be focusing on the daily struggles and pregnancy symptoms with this entry. My body likes to kick off each pregnancy with a nice little sinus infection at about 6 weeks. Since my immune system overreacts to things that set off my asthma and allergies this shouldn’t have been a surprise, but I would never think about that until day 3 or 4 when I’d finally call the doctor. This last pregnancy was really fun because that came with a nice swab up my nose to test for COVID, even though I was ninety nine percent sure it was just a sinus infection. That’s also when the tiredness kicks in for me. That only gets worse after the first one because then you are keeping up with the other one(s). Tie that in with sickness and it’s a real treat. This for me was the worst and it lasted for more than half of the pregnancy with the first two. I was so sick; nauseous, lightheaded, dizzy, I couldn’t stand long without the room spinning and needed to sit or worse getting sick to my stomach and tossing whatever I attempted to eat that day. I had to take medical leave from work the first time around. I finally got some medication to help with some of the symptoms, but I ended up being off work almost 3 months, about 5 months along. It still blows my mind I felt that sick. With my second I started the meds sooner, so I was only off work a week or two, but the sickness still lasted until about week 17. Boy vs Girl so that might have made some kind of difference. After that it was just the tiredness, my allergies, asthma, oh and the occasional charley horse leg cramp that would wake me up screaming in the middle of the night I had to deal with. No biggie. That was all nothing compared to how I had felt the first half. As I mentioned previously, with my second I made some small but significant changes that made all the difference. Want to hear a secret? It was all in a good prenatal pack of vitamins for me. I never knew you could ever physically feel a difference when taking vitamins. I would always forget because it never seemed to affect me either way. I just hoped my body was getting something before I peed them out. When I made the switch for my prenatal vitamins, I also switched a lot of our daily household essentials like laundry and some cleaning products. Seems silly and small vitamins are vitamins, right? Before this I would have one hundred percent agreed. After taking them for two weeks in my third trimester, I could go all day without a nap, I wasn’t hitting snooze, no more leg cramps in the middle of the night, and I even had co-workers tell me how much better I was looking. I think the exact quote was “Don’t take this the wrong way but you looked dead. Now you have your color back and your eyes are bright.” After I was done laughing at the compliment I think she was trying to give me, I was in a little bit of shock. I knew I felt better but for someone I barely spend time with to notice such a difference. That said a lot to me. It wasn’t the placebo effect after all. I really just didn’t know any better when it came to taking any kind of supplement. The truth is most store brand vitamins have artificial fillers and binders that your body cannot absorb and shouldn’t. In the process of discarding those, most of the time your body will also destroy what little vitamins and minerals it may have contained. The other issue is these vitamins do not contain the amounts needed to make a difference and are not bioavailable to be absorbed. Usually, your body gets less than thirty percent if any at all from these store brands. The real test for me was my third pregnancy. No meds this time around and as long as I was able to eat regularly I was good. I still had the symptoms, but it was much more tolerable. I learned eating as soon as I got up and drinking plenty of electrolytes helped me start the day off right. Although it was a lot more juggling with two toddlers and more to keep up with, I’m not sure I would have been able to care for them if I got as sick as I did with the first two. Some days it can be hard to notice a difference when taking your vitamins, but I can always tell if I missed a day or two. Here is the key when looking for things that will improve your health pregnant or not, look at the research that backs whatever you are looking at taking. Do not just take the word of the advertisers. The only truth in advertising is there is none. Find published studies that back up what is being advertised because if a product actually does what they say it will, there will be published studies that prove it. Like real human studies that show findings off bloodwork. The brand I ended up sticking with has 4 human studies backing the eighty plus percent absorption rate and you can read all of them. So, there is my nugget of knowledge. With so much that goes into good supplements I am nowhere near an expert, but this was my personal experience. Health concerns are a hard thing to navigate and finding the right thing that will make a difference can be expensive and a lot of trial and error. Don’t give up. I tried so many different brands of vitamins and other miracle drinks, shakes, etc. Finally finding something you can feel a difference with is amazing. If you have any questions or want to talk further on anything you read in this entry or any other one please feel free to reach out to me. I would love to connect.